“What did you think of the front line foot soldier nineteenth from the right in the first battle scene from ‘Troy?’ Yeah, I don’t remember either.”
Constructing a Life Compass
I grew up in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Wandering about in pristine nature, whether on a day hike or extended backpacking trip was as normal for me then as is walking to a local eatery is for me today. I didn’t have to travel far from my back door to find myself in undeveloped forest. I grew to know well the land around home. I was profoundly familiar with the topography, the flora, the fauna, the landmarks, the natural shelters, and the hazards. I had a mental map with me at all times and a clear sense of how to conduct myself to do and get anything I wanted within that familiar domain. Just as clear were my limitations and the challenges I would find. I could move from place to place quickly, ever secure in the knowledge of my relative location and the associated practices that a particular place called for.
Extended sojourns took me into unfamiliar territory. As I progressed deeper and higher into the mountains I encountered sharp inclines capped with uneven granite peaks that resembled broken teeth. I had to skirt precipitous bluffs and roaring, icy snow melt rivers. The trails that I traveled were often as not worn into existence by creatures with a far different agenda then I might have. My knowledge of the flora and fauna was more vague and theoretical. The furry local inhabitants were surly, territorial, and sometimes aggressive. The natural shelters were less obvious and the hazards more severe. The consequences of a misstep could be grievous as help was not readily available. I had to keep my wits about myself and senses acutely tuned to the details of the landscape and signals provided by the immediate surroundings. Surprises and hazards would often require significant deviation from my planned route. The insistent demand to pay attention to my immediate environment and unplanned detours could easily distract me from my desired destination. Fortunately I always carried with me a tool to remind me of my intended terminus and helped me to correct for unintended deviations. That was my trusty compass.
Being on the PD warrior end of the spectrum I have frequent need for a good life compass. So I’ve spent a bit of time creating and refining mine. In essence it is my internal locus. It is an instrument constructed from three key components my:
- core values,
- life commitments, and
- unique self expression.
Core Values
What are your core values? Some people adopt the precepts of their religion or their culture or both. Others develop values as they go based on their experience. Regardless of where you draw your values from it’s important to deeply examine and map them into your psyche in a way that they become your own. You will know that you own a values when you can weigh any situation and associated choices and know with clarity, and without external checks, what choices align within your values. (I have a caveat to the external checks piece. So hold off on the pitchforks and torches for a moment.) The values that I’ve adopted and refined in the crucible of my life include:
- Do unto others the way they want to be done. Treat others at least as well as you treat yourself. Often times, if you’re hard on yourself, you need to treat them better than you treat yourself. Most importantly, take the time to understand what is important to them.
- Assume the best of others. They usually will meet your expectations no matter what you assume. So, assuming the best in others makes life and relationships oh so much more pleasant.
- Default to transparency. I like to travel light. In other words, I don’t want to carry baggage. (Traveling light will be a topic for a future blog post so I’ll cover the bare bones here.) It weighs me down and keeps me from effectively handling surprises that come my way. While I have practices to reduce or eliminate my lifetime supply of baggage, I have found that the best way to avoid luggage handling is to not pick it up in the first place. In my experience the easiest way to grab onto new baggage is to withhold information. So, not withstanding legal requirements, my obligations to corporate trade secrets, and respecting others’ privacy, I attempt to be completely transparent about my thoughts, feelings and concerns. There is an art to being transparent while being accountable and not bludgeoning others with my opinions. (Again, I’ll cover in detail these things and their associated risks in a later blog.)
- Give generously and expect it to be payed forward. Here I am talking about giving with no expectation including a thank you. The easiest way to give without expectation is to give anonymously. If a receiver wants to pay it back I suggest that they simply pay it forward to some other deserving soul. Now before you develop an opinion that I am an altruist, (or at least believe myself to be an altruist), let me disabuse you. This core value is established on the belief of universal abundance. In other words, I believe that there is plenty of what I need readily available around me when I need it. Without venturing too far into my spiritual beliefs I will say that abundance is one of my core beliefs of faith. Back to the altruism bit, give my core belief generosity is another way to support me in traveling light.
- Leave the campground cleaner than you found it. Any girl or boy scout can tell you that this is a foundational principle for camping. I broaden this to a life mission in that I leave my family, communities, business entities, volunteer teams, events, local and global environment, society, and so on, in better condition for having been there.
- Be prepared. This value comes another scouting lesson but is broadened to anticipate future needs and continuously adjust logistically, emotionally, physically, and psychically to meet those needs.
- Play, don’t watch. While I love to be passively entertained or educated as an audience member, I get my juice from participating and putting myself at risk of growing.
- Be of service. When you get right down to it, the only way to make a difference to the world is to offer something. This value is the ultimate, it ain’t about me. The only prayer I ever pray is, “Use me.” Having said that I always seem to get more back than I give when I am serving others.
- Be captain of my own ship. In this case, the ship is my life. Dipping back into my spiritual practice, I operate on the fundamental assumption that what I believe and the conversations I have with myself and others manifest my world. (I know. You’re thinking, “She talks to herself?”) This is yet another topic that will be covered in a future blog. But, the short of it is that if I take accountability for the state of my life and believe that I can make of it what I want. More to follow.
Those are my core values. Yours will be you own version based on what is important to you.
Commitments
Those are my core values. Additionally, I have a number of commitments. Most of those commitments are specific to particular areas of my self expression. However, I have a handful of commitments that rise above a specific focus and impact all parts of my life. They include:
- Make a difference with others every day. – In its simplest terms, I must help someone or better yet provide a mirror in which others can see their better selves at least once per day.
- Substantively improve any organization or community for which I choose to be a member. The measure of that improvement varies with organization or community. A business example would be that the company grows or increases longevity from my engagement.
- Continue to expand my edges and therefore my capacity. Again the measure are area of focus dependent and range from my ability to lead my business organization in increasingly complex iterations or increasingly challenging environments to performing dance with increasing presence with the audience.
Again, these are my life commitments. These commitments light me up and get me out of bed in the morning. Yours should do the same for you.
Self Expression
Finally, I want to briefly address self-expression. (I will provide a full treatment for self expression in a future posting.) Regardless of whether we are talking an expansive and consuming life expression, [e.g., Ghandi's commitment to India's independence manifesting in his every waking breath,] or narrowly focused, [e.g., Mom's pride in her crab bisque,] the operative term in self expression is “self.” Developing your unique expression differentiates you from others. While we all want to be distinct from the crowd and enjoy the passion stemming from being utterly ourselves, being unique requires courage. (I will discuss courage in a future posting.) You can escape judgment if you are wallpaper. However, when you stand out you will be judged. The judgment may be positive – unparalleled, unequaled, fascinating; neutral – unusual, interesting; negative – strange, weird, freakish. No matter the assessment your distinctiveness will be judged. When I worked in Japan twenty years ago I was introduced to a popular saying that was deep in the collective psyches of my coworkers at the time. “The nail that sticks up gets pounded.” Self-expression is the third and final intrinsic part of your internal compass and one to consider with caution. Like a finely crafted broadsword, it is beautiful and double edged.
When was the last time you had an opinion about a movie extra? What did you think of the front line foot soldier nineteenth from the right in the first battle scene from ‘Troy?’ Yeah, I don’t remember either.
Point Your Compass Needle to Satisfaction
Now that we have built the compass we need to point the needle. Being the satisfaction queen that I am, I point the needle to satisfaction. By that I mean that when I am doing something that resonates soundly with my values, commitments and self-expression I am profoundly satisfied. That does not necessarily mean that I am comfortable. More likely I will have a thrill of fear accompanying my satisfaction. That is just part of the ride.
Related posts:
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